It had been an exhausting start of the week for Katelyn. She held an apple and an orange in each hand as she tried to measure the weight of the fruits she had bought from the grocery store. As soon as Katelyn realized that the method she had been using was not the most efficient method, she tried to remember when and where she saw the scale for the last time. Unable to come up with an answer with certainty, Katelyn called out to her daughter in the very thick Wisconsin accent of hers.
“Where’d ya’ put the scale girl.”
The house remained silent. Soon after she was ignored by her own daughter, Katelyn remembered the time when she took and absolutely trashed the luxurious scale that her daughter had bought for the family. As she recalled the exact moment, Katelyn also remembered that the reasoning behind such insolent behavior was the lack of knowledge she had when it comes to machinery. Though she felt terribly apologetic and regretful, suddenly and unexpectedly, Katelyn knocked the front door open and sprinted outside in a joyful manner.
Boram Lee
I wonder where you get the name of Katelyn. I think you understand how to utilize stream of consciousness and you even put more than one character in the writing, which is very hard!
I think you did well in describing the situation thoroughly and fully expressed emotion of the main character. I think it would be better to have title to give some information so that readers can expect before they read the writing.
Elaine L.- This was... unconventional and quite interesting. I liked how you included voices of the character (accent and dialogue). I liked all the other rather descriptive details such as "insolent, "apologetic," "unable to answer with certainty" etc. However, what your paragraph lacked was more thoughts and feelings. It was more like a story telling paragraph. I know stream of consciousness tells stories but it usually has more random thoughts and feelings here and there. Overall, good job.
Daniel - First of all, the vernacular really stood out as I opened this page. Really like how you tried to put in Southern accent. But your story is quite... random and confusing. I cannot understand what is going on... I mean I understand the basic story but I think the story can be more descriptive. Lastly, I want to tell you that this story has a random story line that it is truly following Ms. Jacob's lecture on modern literature. Good job :D
“Where’d ya’ put the scale girl.”
The house remained silent. Soon after she was ignored by her own daughter, Katelyn remembered the time when she took and absolutely trashed the luxurious scale that her daughter had bought for the family. As she recalled the exact moment, Katelyn also remembered that the reasoning behind such insolent behavior was the lack of knowledge she had when it comes to machinery. Though she felt terribly apologetic and regretful, suddenly and unexpectedly, Katelyn knocked the front door open and sprinted outside in a joyful manner.
Boram Lee
I wonder where you get the name of Katelyn. I think you understand how to utilize stream of consciousness and you even put more than one character in the writing, which is very hard!
I think you did well in describing the situation thoroughly and fully expressed emotion of the main character. I think it would be better to have title to give some information so that readers can expect before they read the writing.
Elaine L.- This was... unconventional and quite interesting. I liked how you included voices of the character (accent and dialogue). I liked all the other rather descriptive details such as "insolent, "apologetic," "unable to answer with certainty" etc. However, what your paragraph lacked was more thoughts and feelings. It was more like a story telling paragraph. I know stream of consciousness tells stories but it usually has more random thoughts and feelings here and there. Overall, good job.
Daniel - First of all, the vernacular really stood out as I opened this page. Really like how you tried to put in Southern accent. But your story is quite... random and confusing. I cannot understand what is going on... I mean I understand the basic story but I think the story can be more descriptive. Lastly, I want to tell you that this story has a random story line that it is truly following Ms. Jacob's lecture on modern literature. Good job :D